I can be feindlich, sometimes. I can be deutschfeindlich – sometimes without even meaning to, but sometimes quite deliberately. I can be anti-American. I can be anti-American quite easily, to be honest. I can be männerfeindlich (although I kind of think you have to be a tiny bit männerfeindlich, to be a woman and survive in this world, without your actual heart imploding). I can even be frauenfeindlich, I reckon I say at least one fairly woman-hating thing per day, and I think it proves how misogynistic our world is that nobody has hardly ever noticed and everyone’s still weeping big time because once, in, like, 2009 I wrote a text where someone lovingly prepared a penis-omelette or something. I’ve said transfeindliche things in my life, I’ve been transfeindlich and lesbenfeindlich and schwulenfeindlich and also behindertenfeindlich. I’ve been racist – I am actually racist – and I’m not talking about made-up pretend racism to white people – I’ve been properly racist. I am guilty of about one microaggression a week. I try to be better, I try to do my best, but I can be pretty feindlich, sometimes.
The one Feindlichkeit you cannot accuse me of is Sachsenfeindlichkeit. I love Saxons. They are my favourite people in Germany, and possibly the world (I also like people from Falkensee and Scotland and Palestine). I think Saxon friends in Berlin are more likely to help you out if you need a favour than normal Germans – with normal Germans, there’s this gap between what I consider to be the bare minimum in terms of the kind menschliche Nähe and emotional support necessary for a functional friendship and what they are prepared to give me, and I think that gap kind of puts them off. But I don’t feel like that with friends from Saxony, I feel like you could call them up, in the middle of the night, weeping, and they might tell you they’reasleep and please phone back in the morning, but they wouldn’t get frightened and cancel the friendship on you forever. I also feel like the Saxons who live in Saxony are kind of like Americans in way – you do this 20 minutes of small talk and then they start telling you about their fucked-up family and how their father was an alcoholic and their little cousin is addicted to meth and their uncle is in prison but actually some people think he really might be innocent. I enjoy these kind of conversations; I’ve never been much good at proper small talk.
I love Saxon boys, I wander round Dresden Neustadt like a lecherous sailor, grinning lasciviously at these skinny boys schiebing Kinderwagens vor sich hin. I like the way they speak, I love the way they say my name. I think it’s funny when they speak English and they still sound Saxon. They sound a bit like they come from Birmingham, which is a great place to come from.
Nobody can accuse me of Sachsenfeindlichkeit, it’s a Feindlichkeit I literally don’t possess. I don’t know why these people are being like this – I literally do not know why. Those racist idiots in Clausnitz, the arsonists in Bautzen, the coppers in Clausnitz and Chemnitz. I do not know why. People explain things to me sometimes – West German people explain things – things about the Solidaritätsbeitrag and passivity and stuff like that – and I don’t think the things they say are particularly helpful or relevant, or, to be perfectly honest, true. I think sometimes people just feel frustrated and let their frustration turn into contempt and bring all this Solidaritätsbeitrag bollocks into it.
I know it’s tempting but to be honest, I think we should definitely shy away from responding to images from Clausnitz and Bautzen with contempt and smug, snooty Ossifeindlichkeit. First of all, racism is a German problem, it’s a world problem, it’s a problem which exists everywhere and it doesn’t help to outsource our guilt in that way. Second of all, it is just as wrong, and probably just as dangerous, to say that all Ossis are Nazis after Clausnitz as it is to say that all „North Africans“ are rapists after Köln. It gives people the chance to feel like victims, when we all know that the only victims were the ones inside the bus, crying with fear. It’s also, in a way, a moral get-out-of-jail-free-card – if all Saxons are Nazis, then all Saxons might as well be Nazis and join Pegida. Ne.
I have some suggestions for what we should do in Saxon, tell me what you guys think as actual Germans, and if you think it is a good idea
- Migrationshintergrundlerquote for the coppers: I think there should be a Migrationshintergrundlerquote of 40% for the police all over Germany, but in Saxony it should be really strictly enforced. So what would happen to Saxony and the newer Bundesländer is that lots of Germans with Turkish and Arabic roots would have to move out there, which they wouldn’t be happy about. What you would have to do is offer them a Saxon-Bonus or something. And you’d have to make sure that cops at a higher level were included in the quota, it wouldn’t be enough to just have all the ground soldiers be non-Bio-German but the people at the top all white. That’s not a good idea. What we need to do is totally change the atmosphere inside the police. I know from white German friends who live in Saxony and just have dreadlocks and stuff that the cops are just really pretty Pegidary and you know. The best answer would be a Migrationshintergrundlerquote.
- Training for the coppers: Also for all over Germany but really enforced for the Saxon cops. In the UK, the police have really got better with gay and trans people. I know I’m saying that as someone who isn’t affected, but if you think about the stories we used to hear in the 80s about how they’d be raiding gay bars and beating up gays and jeering at them, and now, because of the new training and the new importance given to LGBT rights and also the hate crime laws. Things can change. I really think the British police were pretty homophobic in the 80s and I’m not saying they’re perfect now, but from what people tell me, they are loads better. So we can change things. Part of police training needs to be a focus on racism, why it is bad, and why racism doesn’t belong to Germany. And then, specifically, why the cops need to protect the victims of racist violence and not the perpetrators.
- Education for everyone: Maybe History lessons should focus on the history of racism as a form of white supremacy or something. I think people who understand the history of racism and how racism works don’t worry about what happens on Page 27 of the Kuran. This is just a feeling I have.
I also think everyone should sign this petition here, precisely because since we don’t think all Saxons are racist arseholes, let’s get those bastards who are.