Conversation Between Me and My Friend, Who Wants to do a Podcast with Me:
Me: Great! THIS IS A GREAT IDEA! I have lots of fun topics I want to talk about. Lots of great topics we can talk about together.
My friend who wants to do a podcast with me: Great!
Me: Really fun, but also meaty topics, funny, hilarious topics. We can really get our teeth into things you know?
My friend: I literally can’t wait!
Me: Abortion, gynaecologists, Brexit.
My friend: Jacinta, those are literally the three most depressing topics I can think of.
Me: They’re hilarious!
My friend: Abortions?
Me: Abortions are hilarious! Aren’t they?
My friend, in a sad voice: And then I had the unborn child, the unborn life, sucked from my pregnant body…
My friend: And Brexit is so boring and complicated.
Me: I still don’t know what the customs union really is. I just think it sounds nice. Especially in German. Zollunion. Zollunion. ZOLLunion.
My friend: Literally nobody knows what the customs union is.
Me: I bet even the politicians don’t know.
My friend: And people are talking about Brexit all the time, it’s so boring and complicated. Brexit is boring, abortions are depressing and gynaecologists are perverts.
Me: A friend of mine got one boy to drive her to her abortion once, but actually she’d been unfaithful to him and so the baby was most likely not his but she never told him so he cried the whole way home.
My friend: Is that funny? Is that actually funny?
Me: I mean, to be fair, he was German so if she’d told him the truth he would’ve probably asked for petrol money. What about those women with pickled embryos in jars? They’re funny, aren’t they? They’re a bit funny. Where do they get the pickle juice from?
My friend: I’m not looking forward to this podcast at all anymore.
Me: It’s going to be literally brilliant