Me: It’s weird the Saxons are basically all nazis now, because they’re very good-looking, aren’t they.
My friend: They’re just white, that’s all. You have a white boy fetish.
Me: No, white Berliners are not as good-looking as Saxons, seriously. Te Saxons are all tall and skinny – but not too skinny – and kind of thoughtful-looking. Amd they have nice haircuts.
My friend: I saw some ugly ones on the Pegida demos. Bad hair. Horrible necks. They could have been British, some of them.
Me: Yeah but come on. Even the Pegida people were surprisingly attractive considering what major dickheads they were. And I was in Saxony last week and everyone was good-looking. Every time I go back there, I’m genuinely surprised by how good-looking the men are.
My friend: Maybe they spend more time in nature or something?
Me: There was this dad I saw once crossing the road at Dresden-Neustadt, pushing a Kinderwagen, and my heart started beating so hard I thought it was going to jump out my chest. I think about him a lot. Like, when I can’t sleep.
My friend: Is this a weird reverse psychology thing you do to try and get them to stop being so racist? Pretend to find them attractive so they don’t feel so abgehängt?
Me: No, it’s just a thing I think. Are you sad about the results? I thought it’d be worse to be honest. I mean, seriously, the shit they chat and the way they announce it all so seriously and thoughtfully, I’m kind of surprised it wasn’t, like 30%, 35%.
My friend: It’ll be 50% next time.
Me: 40% maybe.
My friend: And that’ll be it for Deutschland. Where you gonna go Jacinta? Brexit Britain? Nazi America? Racist Australia?
Me: People keep on saying the Saxons vote nazi because they’re sick of everyone calling them nazis.
My friend: Yeah, that’s true, I think. I think that’s true. I dunno. I think it might be true?
Me: It’d be a bit of a rubbish plan, though, wouldn’t it. If it were true. But it isn’t. Nobody’s that stupid. They vote for nazis because they like white people more than black or brown people. It’s kind of depressing admitting this, because what can you do? Go up to them all and say, hey listen, hi, how ya doing, listen, black and brown people aren’t that bad really? And then they say we don’t care, we don’t like them anyway. It’s a bit aussichtslos isn’t it. Much easier to pretend if we stopped calling them nazis they’d stop voting nazi. At least then there’s a solution.
My friend: Maybe we should just move to Saxony, not Dresden or anywhere, like, proper hardcore Saxony where they’re all really poor and stuff, like Bautzen or somewhere, move there, buy houses, improve the economy by buying lots of coffee and fuck up the election results by voting for lefties.
Me: Now that sounds like a good plan. I think the Bautzen economy must be quite good, though really. Because of all that mustard, innit