1) I don’t need feminism because I really love my hamster

2) I don’t need feminism because my hamster is really cute

3) I don’t need feminism because feminists love cats

4) I don’t need feminism because feminists are boring, meaningless women who love cats

5) I don’t need feminism because I love the taste of sperm, it tastes like KFC so you get the succulent salty deliciousness without actually causing any chickens to be like tortured to death

6) I don’t need feminism because I am a slut

7) I don’t need feminism because I am a slut who loves sperm

8) I don’t need feminism because I can repair cars

9) I don’t need feminism because all other women are sluts

10) I don’t need feminism because Angela Merkel

11) I don’t need feminism because Angela Merkel has a Muschi

12) I don’t need feminism because Angela Merkel is an ugly, unsmiling cunt

13) I don’t need feminism because Angela Merkel should smile more

14) I don’t need feminism because I’m not like Angela Merkel (she’s an ugly, unsmiling cunt)

15) I’m don’t need feminism because I’m not like other women

16) I don’t need feminism because I really love my car, it’s cuter than my hamster (and my hamster is really fucking cute)

17) I don’t need feminism because I’m not a single mother

18) I don’t need feminism because single mothers are sluts

19) I don’t need feminism because single mothers are fucking boring

20) I don’t need feminism because I have a really nice handbag and a nice cupboard from a posh furniture shop

21) I don’t need feminism because feminism is just single mothers being jealous that I have a nice cupboard from a posh furniture shop

22) I don’t need feminism because single mothers failed

23) I don’t need feminism because I am really good at typing

24) I don’t need feminism because I am really good at yoga

25) I don’t need feminism because my dad bought me this car and he isn’t a rapist and my brother and boyfriend aren’t rapists either and my hamster is cute

26) I don’t need feminism because my car is, like, purple and cute

27) I don’t need feminism because I love my tits and feminists are jealous

28) I don’t need feminism because I once ate a haloumi sandwich and didn’t get raped

29) I don’t need feminism because I never complain

30) I don’t need feminism because feminists always complain and I am not like them, I never complain, plus they like cats, and I like hamsters

31) I don’t need feminism because single mothers are bad at giving head otherwise their husbands wouldn’t have left them

32) I don’t need feminism because I love masturbating

33) I don’t need feminism because I have money and I don’t care about the women who don’t have money, I could just as much care about Penner in the street, or Asylanten in the ocean, or aliens in the Weltall, they don’t touch me, because I have money and they are separate to me

34) I don’t need feminism because money separates me

35) I don’t need feminism because I love money

36) I don’t need feminism because I want a thousand comments on this blog from ordinary German boys saying „Mädchen du sprichst mir aus der Seele, Feminismus hatte mal gute Absichten aber jetzt ist es zu weit gegangen“ more than anything else in the world

37) I don’t need feminism because I’m not scared of being raped

38) I don’t need feminism because all other women are sluts

39) But maybe

40) I

41) need

42) A BIT OF

43) feminism

44) Maybe other women aren’t that different to me

45) Maybe other women aren’t as bad as I think they are

46) Maybe I am the same as other women

47) Maybe, just maybe: if I really didn’t need feminism, I wouldn’t bother writing articles about it, just like you know fish and lungs or people who never get sunburnt and suncream

48) Maybe I write these articles because I need feminism

49) Maybe I am right: maybe all women are sluts

50) Maybe a slut is a woman with a functioning clitoris

51) And maybe all women are feminists, maybe a feminist is a woman with a functioning brain.

52) Maybe: It’s time to grow up.