I don’t wanna write about my own attitude towards rape jokes here, I mean, I’ll tell you what it is, but that isn’t what this is gonna be about. So, okay, I admit: my attitude towards rape jokes is totally inconsistent and all over-the-place. I like to think in this really politically correct kind of way that they should be made from a victimy kind of place, not a tätery kind of place. But I have laughed at tätery rape jokes. And I have also told a couple of borderline rape jokes myself. Drunk and by accident, but also when I tried to do stand-up in my mid-twenties. So, you know, I am a hypocrite. But I wish people would make less rape jokes. I hate them. I can’t bear to be in a room when they’re being told, like when the stand-up comedian goes on and on and on and gets really detailed and into it. And I also think a lot of the laughter that happens at rape jokes is just fearful laughter, so you know. On the women’s side. The women laugh out of fear. Maybe I am not a hypocrite. Maybe I am just a woman trying to respond to rape jokes without you know. Killing herself or something.

But that’s not what I wanna talk about today, actually.

I just think men’s attitudes towards rape jokes versus getting your dicks chopped off jokes are really fucking interesting. And when I say men, I literally mean NOT ALL MEN BUT A LOT OF THEM. A fucking lot of them. Loads. Like A LOT. Not most, though. I don’t mean most. Just lots and lots and lots and lots and lots. Look, this isn’t actually a scientific survey okay? Someone else needs to do the scientific survey to go with this blogpost

PART ONE: Why Men Think Rape Jokes are Funny

Men think rape jokes are funny, because they’re absurd and not real. It’s not really about the rape. „Rape jokes are funny because they’re a taboo. And they’re a taboo because everyone knows rape is wrong. That’s what the joke is, Jacinta.“ Nobody who has ever told a rape joke has ever raped anyone EVER, apparently. That’s the joke. It’s funny because it’s so absurd and not real and unrealistic and weird and albern and just the opposite of everyday life. Making rape jokes is funny because it’s like doing jokes about elephants flying or a hamster becoming Pope or English people being good at languages. THAT IS THE FUNNY BIT PEOPLE. Rape jokes are literally funny because they are literally not true. If I wanted to rape someone and I said: I want to rape you, well, that would be a rape threat. But if I am the kind of guy who would never ever ever ever ever EVER rape someone and then I said: I want to rape you, that could obviously be a hilarious joke because I would so never rape anyone.

Now what’s funny about this is, and when I say funny I mean funny-peculiar not funny-ha ha, what’s funny about this is that a lot of people you tell a rape joke to will have been raped. So you know. For them, it’s a bit realistic. Quite realistic. Rape is part of their reality. I am not saying this is a reason why people shouldn’t tell rape jokes. I just think if the reason they’re meant to be funny is because they’re so unrealistic, maybe they’re not actually that funny.

PART TWO: THE EXACT SAME MEN HATE JOKES ABOUT GETTING THEIR DICKS CHOPPED OFF

Literally exactly the same men, like seriously, this isn’t scientific, but when the scientists do their scientific survey on this, they will tell you that it is literally exactly the same men, exactly the same men who think that rape jokes are funny because rape never happens, get all beleidigt when someone does a teeny-tiny. weeny joke about chopping their dicks off. Even if you only bring nail scissors into it. They say things like „Da hört bei mir der Spaß auf“ and they go on about physical violence, etc and how awful it is. I mean, at poetry slams there are a LOT of jokes about people killing neighbours‘ kids or random kids who are being too loud in the Hof – a lot – for some reason the Spaß never stops there. But if a joke gets made about a grown-up man’s dick possibly being disattached from his body using a blade-based instrument, well. SCHLUSS MIT LUSTIG. Now the funny thing about this is – and this is funny-ha ha and funny peculiar, by the way – the funny thing about this is that literally no man I know has ever had his dick chopped off, ever. I know so many women who got raped. I know so many women who got sexually assaulted. I know so many women who were abused as children. I DON’T KNOW ANY MEN WHO EVER GOT THEIR DICKS CHOPPED OFF EVER. So why isn’t a joke about penis-severage funny because it’s unrealistic and untrue und absurd and albern and surreal and everything? It’s weird, isn’t it.

I don’t actually know the answer to the question I’ve asked. I really actually don’t. I suspect the answer might be that men aren’t really scared about having their dicks chopped off, but are offended at the idea that a woman might joke about it. But I’m not sure. You guys let me know. For now, I am just going to leave this here, like a perfect potato salad at a German WG-Party.