vonjacintanandi 21.01.2019


True Confessions from Berlin's slummiest yummy mummy.

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I don’t think it’s nice when people slag off Dogs in Berlin and say mean things about it. Yes, it was silly sometimes, but it was fast-paced and enjoyable and fun and entertaining. It was silly in a fast way. And anyway, this is the country that makes Rosamond Pilcher films, where an English butler pours an English cup of tea out of an English kettle and then asks, in German, if the English lady would like to go for an English walk in her English rose-garden and she sighs sadly and says yes, it will remind me of my late father, the English Lord of Mountbattery, if only there were some way for me to forget about my grief in my time of distress. And then she fucks the window-cleaner. Okay, I admit it, I only saw one of them, but it was bloody awful and that was, more or less, exactly what the plot was.

One of my favourite films ever is Love, Actually. I think it’s because of my low concentration abilities. And everything people say when they are criticizing Love, Actually, is 100% correct, actually – Hugh Grant is a rubbish Prime Minister for only standing up to the president because his tea-lady has been sexually molested, nobody even cares she got sexually molested and in fact she gets „removed“ (possibly demoted?) for it, NATALIE ISN’T EVEN VAGUELY FAT! Liam Neeson’s son learns how to play the drums far too quickly. Laura Linney should still fuck the Karl dude even though she has a mentally ill brother (okay I am the main one who says this). Hugh Grant is silly for saying 9/11 made him realize how lovely people are, because everyone phoned their loved ones to say they loved them, when in fact some very not-that-lovely people were flying a big plane into a tower for no reason whilst said phone calls were being made. The Colin storyline is just so sexist it’s not worth mentioning, Colin Firth can’t be in love with his cleaning lady because he doesn’t know her, Mia isn’t in love with Alan Rickman either, and there’s nothing to criticize Emma Thompson for actually, because she’s perfect in every way. Oh, and: Andrew Lincoln is a weird stalker.

Still, it’s still one of my favourite films. It’s just because it’s INTERESTING. The characters, even the female characters, are INTERESTING. You want to know what happens to them. It’s silly and it’s ridiculous but it’s always interesting. It’s worth watching because you want to find out what happens to everyone.

Dogs of Berlin is, in my eyes, the same. A million sub-plots and they’re all intricately laced up with each other, and there’s so many of them, that you sometimes forget who half the people are. The characters, even the female characters, are interesting INTERESTING, i.e. sometimes they do things and you’re like, wow, yeah, I wouldn’t’ve thought she’d do that but yeah makes sense now. Even though the show is all about depicting Männerwelt-type manliness scenarios, the women get more lines than in a lot of American series and are really believable characters. At first, I thought Grimmer’s wife, Paula, was going to be as annoying and boring and nothingy as Sklyer from Breaking Bad when I first watched it. But she totally wasn’t – well, she carried on being annoying at times, but she was never boring and nothingy. Not for a second. It was interesting to see how her nothingyness was just a cover for her being really fucked-up inside. And Bine, Eva, Maissa, even the little female cop who wanted to change back to her Marzahn police station – they were all worth watching. I thought it was a really good show. I thought it was enjoyable AND GOOD.

One thing I gotta say: although I don’t think the show was, basically, racist at all – lots of racism on screen, but it wasn’t racist –  the neonazis were so ridiculous whereas the different criminal clan-type people, even if they were sometimes a bit too clichéd, even if sometimes a bit too unbelievable, were kind of dignified in a way. BUT: I do think it’s interesting that they felt they had to turn Kreuzkölln/Neukölln/Kreuzberg/Boddinstraße to Kaiserwarte. There’s a specific reason for this. Marzahn IS a neonazi hellhole (no offence to anyone living there, and don’t worry, the way things are going you’ll be gentrified in approximately three months so give a shit) and it literally IS a no-go area for people who don’t look German. But there are no (as in zero) no-go areas for cops in Berlin, I don’t care, they don’t exist. If they did exist, they would’ve named the Viertel but they couldn’t, because they know the residents will be up in arms at being pigeon-holed in that way. I also think Fahri Yardim obviously flirted with the actresses abit too much on-set because there was always just way too much sexual chemistry between him and almost every woman he came into contact with. He wasn’t specifically flirting with them, but his body language thought he was. It’s true that gay men flirt with straight women sometimes, but I kept on forgetting he was meant to be gay.

But all in all, it was a good show, and just like when a kid who has never done any homework starts doing their homework a bit shouldn’t get criticized for not doing it perfectly, I am not going to criticize Dogs for being slightly unbelievable and silly at times. I can tell it was a good show because I still can’t decide whether I like Kurt Grimmer or not. He was so charismatic, this corrupt policeman, with this reassuring Eastie presence. I’ve known a million reassuring Easties like him, I’ve slept with a lot of them. But underneath his reassuring manner, he’s actually, basically, 100% criminal. 1000% chaos. But he might have a heart of, well, maybe not gold, but maybe bronze hidden away in his chest somewhere. Am not sure. We’ll find out next series!



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