All I wanted was just to see the game against Brazil with some North Korean dudes. Instead I was let inside their embassy. This is how it happened:
MONDAY, NINE A.M, PHONE CALL
“Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Guten Tag”
“Guten Tag. I am calling from the Israeli newspaper Haaertz…”
click.
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
“Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Guten Tag”
“Guten Tag, I am calling from Haaretz which is a paper totally in favor of a Palestinian state…”
Ten second of whispering. Click.
MONDAY, 10 A.M, PHONE CALL
“Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Guten Tag”
“Guten Tag, I am calling from a daily paper published in Palestine…and I would like to speak with someone about the North Korea game tomorrow night.
“It is the Democratic People’s Republic of Kore. Everybody is too busy now, call at 12”
MONDAY 12 P.M
“Democratic People’s etc etc, Guten Tag”
“Guten Tag, I called before and I was told to call at 12”
“Yes, but everyone is at lunch break now. call at three”.
3 P.M, PHONE CALL
“Democratic People’s etc etc, Guten Tag”
“Guten Tag, I am calling about the game tomorrow”
“Yes, we hope and convinced that our team is going to win for the leader”.
“But can I talk to someone about the game?”
My call is being transferred. Someone is picking up and introduce his name and title.
“Guten Tag, I would like to know where are you watching the game?”
“We are watching it in the conference room in the embassy”.
“Can I invite myself?
“Where to?”
“To see the game with you in the conference room. I would like to be your friend”.
“Look, I am very busy and I have plenty of meetings and I am not even watching the game here”.
“Where do you watch?”
“I am watching with the family. I am very busy right now”.
“Can I see the game with you and your family? I will bring some cold beers”
“To my house? Look, I am very busy. Why don’t you call tomorrow, but not between 9 and 3. I am very busy. I have plenty of meetings”.
“OK, but I am not calling you, I am coming to the embassy. I want us to sit and talk about football, just like friends”.
“No, no, you have to call first”.
“My friends, I don’t need to call. I will see you tomorrow”.
TUESDAY
The North Korean embassy in Berlin is located on Glinkastrasse. Not far from the prestigious Friedrichstrasse and not far from Checkpoint Charlie, Unter Den Linden and the scary big Russian embassy. But it is just a small and obscured embassy, like a torn page from a Le Carre noble. There are plenty of restaurants around it, with people enjoying the sun and a cold beer and suffering through Slovakia against New Zealand. A retired American couple sat with their German hosts. “By now I can understand everything”, said the American man, referring to football, “but it still doesn’t make any sense for me”.
It used to be a grandiose embassy, a rectangle boarded by four streets. But the disappearance of the Soviet Union and the economic struggles that followed, made the North Korean think monetary ad they rented more than half of the compound to a local businessman who turned it into a lively hostel with five floors, more than a hundred rooms and 94 percent capacity. Now, thousands of backpackers from all around the world make a left turn from the hotel on their way to another known place of their attraction map. None of them pays attention to the adjacent building, representing one of the plant’s greatest mysteries.
I buzzed the ring outside the wall, and someone buzzed me in, no questions asked. There was a blue Mercedes 320 station wagon parking outside. Someone drew hearts through the dust that covered its hood. There were six trees perfectly aligned, with a forgotten umbrella leaning on one of them. Eight steps led to the embassy with two perfectly matched flowerbeds on their sides.
A petite woman with glasses sat behind the reception desk. She had a pin on her shirt, just like everybody else there, with the portrait of the leader. The floor was covered with red wall-to-wall carpet, and there were six heavy wooden doors there. The dampness made you feel like chocking. There were plenty of bulbs on the ceiling, but none of them was turned on. The receptionist was reading a book. I asked why there is no light and how can she read when I can’t see five centimeters ahead of me, and she answered that it is too expensive.
After 15 minutes, another woman came down. She wrapped her right hand around my waist and without my permission started to push me out. Just before she landed me out of the lazily painted grey grates, I asked again if I can speak with someone about the game tonight. It is lunch break now, she said, come back in 80 minutes.
80 MINUTES LATER
I buzzed and buzzed and buzzed, for 20 minutes until the woman who pushed me out came out and shouted at me to be patient. After 20 minutes a man came out and approached me. It was the same man that spoke to me on the phone the day before (I leave all names and titles out of this post as I am respecting the wish of these people to not be identified). We spoke for ten minutes with the lazy grey grates between us. Most of the time he corrected me: “it is not North Korea, it the the Democratic etc etc…” but I felt like someone visiting a prisoner. “Come on, let me in, let’s e friends and talk football, maybe you will make tea for me”. He refused. I told him that I am not going nowhere and he’d better let me in. For some reason he believed that I was crazy enough to do it, so he let me in.
We entered the conference room, a rectangle of 15 meters long and 5 meters wide. There were two poles in the corners with the flags of Germany and the Republic People’s etc etc… two thirsty plants sat at the poles’ feet, and two framed pictures were hanging on the wall–the leader and his son. We sat on black leather chairs with glass tables between us. there was a 40 something inch TV from the time before the time of the Plasma.
We talked a bit about sports and how important it is for the mental health and to collective discipline. “If we win tonight”, he said, “I am sure it is going to get to page number three in the paper”. He refused to discuss any politics, even how much his country spends in the sports and what does it expect as a payback or how important are the games for the leadership. Instead, I learned that only five years ago North Korea advanced to the second round in the under17 World Cup and lost to Brazil only in over time, and that three years ago it finished 2-2 with the Czech Republic and lost 1:0 to Argentine in the youth World Cup that Argentine won after defeating the Czech team in the final. “People are starving themselves fearing from the unknown, but it fits us. remember 1966”, he said and stood for leaving apologizing for he has hundreds of meeting.
Just before I left the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, I noticed the soundtrack throughout the 30 minutes I stayed in the embassy. It was the same song repeating itself over and over. “It is ‘No Motherland Without You’ by the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea Army Choir”, explained to me the receptionist who was still reading herself into blindness. “We are going to shock the world tonight”.
