Vor einem guten Monat ist der ehemalige NME-Journalist Steven Wells verstorben. Warum Steven Wells ein so großartiger wie streitbarer Schreiber war, wird klar, wenn man einige seiner Polemiken (denn Kritiken schrieb der Mann nicht, er SCHRIE POLEMIKEN!) noch einmal herauskramt. Da seine Blütezeit in den Jahren war, als das Internet noch nicht alles auf ewig zur Verfügung stellte, sind wir dankbar, dass der NME in seinen Archiven gekramt hat und einige Exzerpte noch einmal abdruckte.

Der Godfather of Schmähkritik über…

… Nine Inch Nails:

“Mr Trent Reznor, I’m sure you’re a wonderful guy, I bet you love children and dogs, and are a warm lover. But onstage you are about as much fun as Christmas in a genital cancer ward. An evening watching your band is about as pleasurable as three-way sex with Mr and Mrs Himmler.”

… Belle & Sebastian:

“Self-loving, knock-kneed, passive aggressive, dressed-up-in-kiddy-clothes, mock-pop-creepiness-peddling, smug, underachieving, real-pop-hating no-talents celebrating their own indequancy with music so white it’s translucent.”

… Richey Edwards von den Manic Street Preachers, oder genauer gesagt: alle Rockgitarristen, die tatsächlich spielen können:

“Richey Edwards killed the grubby, stinking hippy shibboleth of musicianship (that allowed nerds like Clapton and Knopfler to become rock stars) stone cold dead when he became the sexiest and greatest guitarist in the world with Manic Street Preachers – because (not despite) of the fact that he wasn’t plugged in.”

… Los Campesinos!:

“Twee is a frequently reoccuring herpes virus under the foreskin of the popcock and Los Campesinos! are the weeping sore. I myself will be breaking into the homes of all eight members of Los Campesinos while they are away on tour and urinating in their empty beds.”

… Musikjournalisten:

“Overwhelmingly male. They all look, sound and smell like musicians. Only they also stink of wank. While millions of women will crawl over broken methadone bottles to suck the sore-ridden piss-gristle of a pug-ugly bassist in a fifth rate ska-revival combo – rock hacks get fuck-all shag action. Which is a good think. It makes them bitter and twisted.”

… die BNP (britische Rechtsextremen-Partei):

“But what about their human rights? I hear you squeal. Fuck their human rights. Right wingers aren’t human. They are pond scum, microbes, mere filth. In fact, thinking about it, why don’t we just gas the bastards?”